Ocarina of Time Rewrite
by PDFarsight
Summary: Basically a mockery of the Ocarina of Time story, in an arrogant, immature manner. It should be funny... operative word SHOULD.


ZELDA: OCARINA OF TIME Rewrite, Part 1  
  
Outside Hyrule Castle, Link had just gotten the Spiritual Stone of Water from Princess Ruto.  
  
Link: (sees Zelda and Impa ride past) Oh my gosh! Something must be wrong!  
  
Navi: (sarcastically) Wow, Link, you sure are perceptive. We wouldn't EVER know what's going on without you.  
  
Link: Shut up.  
  
Zelda: (sees Link) Oh, it's that fairy boy I just met! I think I'll entrust our family's priceless heirloom passed down for hundreds of generations to him, in hopes that he would be the one chosen by destiny to save the world! Yeah, that's a good plan. (tosses the Ocarina in Link's general direction)  
  
Link: Hey, what's th-OW!! (gets hit in the head with the Ocarina) Ahhh! The pain! (looks down at Ocarina) Stupid thing! (kicks it into the moat)   
  
Zelda: (now pretty far away from Link, she is shocked to see him kick the Ocarina into the water) NONONO! Don't kick it away! Use it to save the world!  
  
Link: (didn't quite hear her) What? What'd you-   
  
Suddenly, it gets very cold. Dark clouds completely cover Hyrule's serene sky, and a violent storm comes out of nowhere. Sensing the presence of someone else, Link turns around, and suddenly his eyes widen and his face turns white. He remembers this character from his recurrent dream, which had kept him up several long nights. The evil presence he had sensed was none other than Ganondorf, King of Thieves. He is riding on a jet-black steed, which rears up and neighs dramatically.   
  
Ganondorf: Dammit! They got away.   
  
Link: (standing there in a petrified stupor)  
  
Ganondorf: (hasn't noticed Link yet) How could I obtain the Triforce and take over the world if I can't even keep up with a little ten-year-old girl!? Ahhh, it's hopeless! I'll never be able to do this! Wait.. wait... (takes out a small pink blanket and cuddles it tightly) There there, Ganondorf... you can do this... remember what Dr. Peterson said... "you can take over the world".... you can take over the world... you can take ov- (sees Link, and quickly regains his composure) Ahem! Hey, little kid! You, over there! You must have seen that white horse ride past. Which way did they go?! Answer me!  
  
Link: (snickering) I saw some other stuff too.  
  
Ganondorf: Wha-...you-... grr! You better not tell anyone!   
  
Link: It'll cost you.  
  
Ganondorf: (muttering curses to himself)  
  
Link: Ah ah ah, you better not. I'll tell all of Hyrule that the GREAT KING OF THIEVES GANONDORF is nothing but a crying little baby!  
  
Ganondorf: .......Shut up, kid! (shoots a powerful energy blast out of his hand at Link)  
  
Link: (gets hit by the blast, and gets knocked to the ground) Gh-...ow.  
  
Navi: Oooooh! You got SCHOOLED, Link!  
  
Link: (dusting himself off) Shut up!  
  
Ganondorf: Mwa ha ha ha ha! See, kid!? You're nothing to me! I am powerful! Now, tell me where they are!  
  
Link: (staring angrily at him)  
  
Ganondorf: Think you can protect them, eh?! Well, I'll find them! You'll see! Uwa ha ha! (rides off in complete opposite direction of where Impa and Zelda went)  
  
Link: Ha ha ha! Loser. He'll never find them.  
  
Navi: Link, shouldn't you go see what that thing was that Zelda threw at you?  
  
Link: Oh yeah, that. (rubbing head in pain) I think it was a rock. A blue one.   
  
Navi: It looked kind of like an ocarina.  
  
Link: So?  
  
Navi: Shouldn't you pick it up?  
  
Link: No, I think it's a rock.  
  
Navi: I think it may be the legendary Ocarina of Time, a magical Ocarina held by the Royal Family for generations that can open the door to the Temple of Time and let one obtain the Triforce, the sacred oracle that grants the power of the gods to any who may touch it.  
  
Link: ...No, I'm pretty sure it was a rock.  
  
Navi: OH JUST PICK IT UP!   
  
Link: Okay, okay! Sheesh! (picks it up, and instantly receives a telepathic message)   
  
Link.... Link... can you hear me? This is Zelda... by the time you get this message, I will be gone. This ocarina is the Ocarina of Time, a magical ocarina held by the Royal Family for generations that can open the door to the Temple of Time and let one obtain  
the Triforce, the sacred oracle that grants the power of the gods to any who may touch it.  
  
Navi: See!?  
  
However, to open the door of time, you will need to know the Song of Time. Keep this song in your heart:  
  
  
v v  
A A  
  
Use this song, the three spiritual stones and the Ocarina of Time to open the Door of Time in the Temple of Time to save Hyrule!  
  
  
Link: ...  
  
  
Will Link get it through his thick skull that the "rock" is really the Ocarina of Time? Will Ganondorf find Princess Zelda? Will Link obtain the Triforce and save the world? Or will he be frozen in time as soon as he touches the Master Sword, allowing Ganondorf, who has since ridden far away, to obtain the Triforce instead of Link? ...Nah, that would never happen. Anyway, find out, on the next exciting episode of ZELDA: OCARINA OF TIME Rewrite!  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
